Monday, May 02, 2005

"I believe in overtipping."

The tipping situation in this country has gotten out of hand.

Let me start off by saying that I am a good tipper. My rule is 15-20% or $2 a person, whichever is higher. That way, if the wife and I go to Chili's and split an order of fajita's for $13.95, the waitress is still getting $4. It's a good system which has won me many thoughtful head bobs from co-diners as they realize that they have been screwing the Denny's waitresses for years. I mean, really, how can you leave less than $2 per person for the girl who has been refilling your Diet Coke for the last 45 minutes? You cheap hump.

But now, it's out of hand. The "Curbside Carryout" is the first tipping dilemma. Ask the waitresses and they will say that you should tip the same amount you would tip inside. That's a load of crap because:
  1. The waitress inside has 4 tables that she rolls about 3 times each in the course of a night. That's 12 tables total. The girl bringing out the food to your car has 12 cars per hour. If waitresses were all cheap whores, the curbside carryout girl would be Paris Hilton.
  2. The waitress inside spend 45 minutes seeing after my needs. The car girl spends 5 minutes putting my shit in a bag and taking my money. (This last sentence screams for another cheap whore reference..)
  3. Finally, here's the real kicker: The car girl gets paid more! (Paris Hilton!!... sorry)

So, stop giving that girl 20% for the 10 minutes of hard work she put in bringing your food out to your car (which is parked by the door, by the way). Tip her a dollar or two at the most. If everyone did that, I guarantee she would still make more than the inside waitress.

Tonight I ordered food from Olive Garden. We sometimes order from Olive Garden because we are too lazy to drive across town for the good food at Macaroni Grill or Carrabas. Better average Italian than no Italian. Anyway, at Olive garden you have to go in and get your food. So, I'm standing at the counter waiting for the girl to ring me up when I look down and notice, that's right, a tip jar. Now, here's a girl who does nothing but ring me up and bag my food and she expects a tip. The kid at McDonalds does the same thing and I don't tip him!

True story: Last week my neighbor had quite a large pile of garbage on the curb so when the garbagemen came by, he went out and tossed them a tenner. The guy takes the ten dollar bill, looks up at my neighbor and says, "Is this all you got?"


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