Monday, June 13, 2005

The "Baby Talk 2005"

David Johnson
President
BabyTime Electronics

Mr. Johnson,

Thank you for your interest in my latest invention, the "Baby Talk 2005." I'm very excited about the future potential of this device and feel sure that it's ability to translate baby gibberish into actual speech will revolutionize the infant care market. As per your request, below is a transcript of my most recent test with the device, using my own daughter, Samantha (age 16 months).

"Hand me that book. Not that one. Not that one. THAT one. You..... big fat guy who smells like cheese... hand me that book. No, not that one, what are you, stupid? Where is long-haired girl who talks funny? She knows what book I want. NOT THAT ONE! Oh my God, I can't believe you would even THINK of giving me that one! That's the most evil book ever! Wait.... okay, I'll take it. Come here big fat guy. See this? See this thing in the book? Yes, I know it's a bear, you tell me every day you tool. Look at it. See it? Good, we're done with this book. Let's move on..."

"Where's my duck blanket? Excuse me... my duck blanket is missing. Give me my duck blanket please. No, I don't want food. No, I don't want juice. No, I don't want to watch the Wiggles.... I want my fucking duck blanket! Who do I have to kill to get a little service around here!"

As you can see Mr. Johnson, the possibilities are endless. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you might have.

Sincerly,
Booray Perry

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