Friday, July 01, 2005

Huge tracks of land

I had lunch today with my sister "Queen of all Candles," and my cousin's wife Joanna. Joanna is great. She's funny and smart and always seems to be in a good mood and as a result, everybody in the family loves her. Plus, she's got a great rack.

Teague (that's my cousin) and I both managed to pull off a neat trick and marry women who are actually more popular than we are with our own family. Make no mistake about it, in the event of a nuclear war when there's only room for two more people in the Perry Bunker, Teague and I will be killed instantly while our wives will be eating pork n' beans with the rest of the family for 20 years. In fact, I wouldn't put it past my father and his two brothers to just rub us out for spite. Such is the power of "The Rack." (Joanna once confided in me that she has never come to a family function without at least one of the three brothers mentioning her tits. This is our family legacy and it has been passed down from generation to generation. I'm proud to say that I once talked a woman into showing me her tits right in front of her husband. It's a gift, really.)

Joanna is part of the family now but went through quite a bit of culture shock when she first married Teague. Joanna's father is a minister and Teague is the kind of guy that, if you walked in on him having sex, would ask you to take his picture. You can't blame him for it though, both his parents are free-spirit types and by that I mean you wouldn't want to get in their hot tub without first scrubbing it down with bleach. Really, there's no telling what the hell's been going on in that thing. Personally, I put on a bio-suit just to walk on the deck.

Today at lunch, Joanna commented that she actually reads this blog, which brings the total number of readers to: 1. So, if your reading this Joanna, please know that we all love you very much. Also, we really want to see em'. Really.


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