Saturday, July 23, 2005

The Segue

My mind jumps around quite a bit. I have a tendency to segue so fast that people can't keep up with how I got to the point I'm making. For example, you would say, "My car is broken," and then I would say, "Did you know that giraffe's have the longest tongue of any animal?" On the surface that seems to make no sense, but to me it makes perfect sense because when you mentioned "car" I thought about the new Mustang that I wrote about yesterday while sitting at the kitchen counter watching National Geographic Explorer which was doing a show about giraffes. So, with that in mind, here's my thought process this morning.

It started when I read a story by David Sedaris, a great writer who's sister Amy is a favorite guest on Letterman. Then, as I got in the shower, I started thinking....

That David Sedaris sure is funny. That story takes place in an airport. Maybe I could write something funny that takes place in an airport. It could be something about how "normal people" do something that I don't, or vice-versa. My problem is, I'm actually pretty normal which makes it that much harder to come up with interesting comparisons. Last time I was in the airport I noticed the bar at Chili's was full. I've never drank at the airport so maybe that's not normal. Wait, that's not true, I sat and had drinks with Bobbi that time that I was flying to Tampa and she had to fly to Ft. Lauderdale two hours later. We met at the airport bar and had drinks before she left and it was very cool and movie-like and I wished that we could retire to some cool hotel and make love like strangers with the snow falling outside the window except that in Tampa we would have been at the crappy airport Hilton and our room would have overlooked long-term parking.

What about the part in David's story when he met the cabdriver? Has anything funny ever happened to me in a cab? The last time I was in a cab was in New Orleans and the cab driver went on and on about how he likes to gamble and drink a little, but not too much like some people, and I assured him that he was well adjusted. I remember when I used to play all the casino games and justify the losses. There are stages to everything in life. I remember when I was first starting to gamble and the looks I got from veterans who were past the point of getting excited about a blackjack story. Now, I'm one of those veterans. I wonder if this is just a stage too and someday I'll think I was stupid now. Like when I think about my sex life as a young man and how I didn't know anything at all and yet I still had more fun than I do now. Hey, maybe that's what I'll write about. I could do a piece on stages and how they change. I could say something like, "When you're 18 and you finally get a girl naked, you don't even know what to do with your hands, let alone your tongue or penis, yet you still seem to have more fun than you do years later when you're covered in Astro-Glide with two Asian hookers and a battery-powered object up your ass." That would be funny. It's funny how I ended up with that line after starting with the airport. There's an idea..... maybe I'll write about my thought process and how I segue from topic to topic so quickly. As soon as I get out of the shower, I'll make some notes.


Superkain said...

I try to explain this to people and they stare at me like I just won the Special Olympics. Congratulations, you're retarded. My little sister used to look at me after having quite logically made the jump from boy scout merit badges to how much dynamite i would need to blow up the whole house at once and said, "your brain goes a million miles a minute." Loved it.

1:29 PM  

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