Sunday, August 21, 2005

The truth is, I don't know how big they are...


A few posts back I wrote about my discovery that I had a reader who isn't related to me (or an ex-prison lover) (here). Despite my firm belief that she stopped reading months ago, she was able to access the computer in the rec-room at the methodone clinic long enough to make a comment on my post. When I saw someone had left a comment, I clicked it and brought up the comment box. Here's what she said:

LOL! I haven't stopped reading weeks ago! I've been on holidays or having visitors over as I panic because I've suddenly realized that school starts soon and I need to play as hard as I can.

Even while I traveled, I checked out your site to show my friend Leslie and she also thinks you're entertaining! Giddy up! You have Canadian fans eh!

WOW!!! Well, spank me silly and call me Matilda! I'm shocked! I'm honored and I feel so extra special cuz you wrote a blurb and linked me! You kick ass!

Joanne

p.s. You'll always be a riot in my books! I think you're hilarious, but you don't always have to be funny... I'll like you even when you have IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome)

Only, when I brought up the comment box, I didn't notice the scroll-bar indicating that it was a long comment. I only saw this:

Joanne
p.s. You'll always be a riot in my books! I think you're hilarious, but you don't always have to be funny... I'll like you even when you have IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome)

So, naturally, I thought that my cousin-in-law Joanne had made the comment to be nice. So, I immediately wrote a quick comment:

And you'll always have huge tits in my book but I don't think my sparkling wit is ever going to get me any closer to seeing them!

Then I clicked, "submit," and the window changed to show my comment

.........and I scrolled up to read it

.........and I noticed that the previous comment was in fact not from Joanne but was, in fact, from my only fan and I had just made a comment about her tits!!

AAAAGGGHHH!!!!! DELETE!! DELETE!!

To think I almost insulted my only reader (outside of family and my parole officer). By the way, did you read the part about her friend, Leslie (who thinks I'm entertaining... which may actually be an insult in disguise)? That's two readers people so Dooce can just suck it!

2 Comments:

Blackberriesgirl said...

Does your wife beat you? It sounds like she does, if so, this is for her: leather whip works best, but in a pinch, wet towel is just as effective.

If I wanted to insult you I would, straight out. Until that day comes, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and say these sentences over and over.

I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with. I am a great blogger. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me.

3:02 AM  
Booray said...

I actually say that to myself everyday, except my version has a bit about penis size...

11:47 AM  

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