Thursday, October 13, 2005

And I won't even charge you for the water...


My neighbor, Nelson, just finished putting up a new fence. The old fence was torn down on one side of his yard so he could install a swimming pool. he decided to replace the entire fence because, well, for no reason I can figure out, actually. He doesn't have any pets, his new pool takes up almost his entire yard and his children will never leave the pool enclosure ( why should they? ). The fence that separated us was still intact so my dogs couldn't get in his yard but he decided to replace the entire thing anyway. In truth, he just wanted a better-looking fence.

To save money, he stopped the fence at his back wall instead of running it between the house's. However, he left the gates up at the front of the house's so my dogs can't get out. What this means is that the side yard between our houses is now fence-free, so my dogs can roam in that area.

This is a long explanation, I know, but stay with me...

Yesterday, the first day the fence was completed, I looked out the side window and noticed that Nelson's garden hose was laying on the ground and there were a couple of lawn chairs stacked there as well. I decided to have a little fun with Nelson, so I called him up:

"Nelson," I said, "We need to talk about this new fence."
"What about it?"
"Listen, when I agreed to taking the fence down between our houses, I wasn't agreeing to having to stare at some "Puerto Rican Yard Sale" every day. (It's not racist if you accuse a Puerto Rican of having a "Puerto Rican Yard Sale") You've got your hose all sprawled out on the yard and lawn chairs laying around. Us "white folks" like to take a little pride in our yard!"
"Well, it's funny that you should mention that," He said, "Because when I took down the fence I knew that Boodreaux was going to be free to take a shit on the stretch of property between our houses but what I didn't realize was that he would take a shit ON MY GARDEN HOSE!
"What?"
"That's right. I went out about 20 minutes ago to roll up the hose and came away with shit on my hands!" (This was the point when I started laughing hysterically)
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do," I said, "I'm gonna let you use my hose to rinse the dog shit off your hose."
"What a neighbor."

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