Monday, October 17, 2005

But I use a long rope...


Sunday we went to "Cracker Barrel" for breakfast. Usually we go to "Perkins," but this week we threw caution to the wind, got a wild hair up our ass, grabbed our bag of metaphors and headed to the "Cracker Barrel." Life is short. Grab breakfast by the balls. That's what I say.

(Sidenote - Yes, I know that my baby is cute. Yes, I appreciate you fawning over her but you know what I would really appreciate? I'd appreciate it if you would go get the fucking high chair so I can sit this heavy-ass child down before my arm snaps off at the elbow! I'm a man... I don't have hips on which to rest this poop machine! Get me a chair you hump!)

So there we were, sittin' in the "Cracker Barrel," (you start to say things like "sittin'" and "fixin' to" whenever you are at the "Cracker Barrel") and the ladies at the table next to us were admiring Sam. Finally, one of them asks how old she is and then says to Bobbi, "I can tell you work with her."

First of all, let me make it clear that we don't "work with her." Typically, she spends her day in front of the TV with a box of sugar and a power saw. She's self-taught. Second, Bobbi made the mistake of starting her reply with... well, I don't remember what she said but it wasn't, "My husband, Booray, is the one who takes care of her." So, naturally, I jumped in and took credit for the genius that is my child who at that moment was taking the golf tees out of the little game they have on the table at "Cracker Barrel" and shoving them up her nose.

So, the lady turns to me, the care-giver and says, "Well, then I can tell you work with her."

I smiled, tried to look modest in an aw-shucks "Cracker Barrel" sort of way and said: "Most of the time I just keep her tied to a stake in the front yard."

8 Comments:

B - The Wife said...

Ok, Let me say for the record!!! I had every intention of giving you (my wonderful Stay-At-Home Husband/Daddy) all the credit. However, it is impossible to accomplish this when my wonderful Husband jumps in and cuts me off because he ASSUMES that I am not going to give credit where it is due. LOL So, you can cry about it and make the world believe that you are a victim of "No Credit" but we allllll know the truth!

12:54 PM  
Smashing said...

Do you know I always wondered what had been stuck up my nose for all these years...mini golf tees!

1:38 PM  
Booray said...

LOOK! A comment from someone new! Who are you, Smashing and how did you find me? Will we ever know? The plot thickens....

9:43 PM  
Smashing said...

You were the first blog I ever read....opened me up to the whole blogging phenomenon (yes I'm backward..and British!)I am now a fully fledged internet geek. I thank you. God knows how I found your blog but it makes me laugh.

12:17 PM  
Booray said...

Wow, to think that I have introduced someone to an entire world of ways to waste time... it makes me all warm and chubby. (for you British readers, "chubby" means "erection")It is going to drive me crazy trying to figure out how someone from England came across my blog. I suspect that maybe they (he, she?) found my scrapbook about my trip to London and then found this site but we'll never know.

4:14 PM  
Smashing said...

Chubby=erection....damn and I thought my university education was teaching me something (although blog reading is becoming detrimental to my studies!) I actually found ur website through a mad australia one...dont ask, i dont know! I'll have to stop leaving bizarre messages on random peoples comment boards and do some work! (Although it's that or binge drinking over here...just to cement the stereotype!)

6:20 PM  
Booray said...

Okay, now this is just getting sodding ridiculous. What do you mean, "don't ask about the mad Australian website?" Bloody hell guv'ner! If there's some australian site that links to me that I don't know about, then I bloody well want to know about it!

Also, are you a man or a woman, luv?! A sheila or a bloke?

9:35 PM  
Smashling said...

Spent some time today looking for where I found your site and came up a blank. Might've been just a random search or a soldier blog(?was that the link from the aussie one!?) or the afore mentioned aussie blog...cant find it! Sorry for putting you in a tizz about who's linking your site (might be no-one and just my severe short-term memory loss). I'm a shelia by the way. Shelia=chick=bird for all the aussie/american/british readers.

7:31 PM  

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