Wednesday, November 02, 2005


I'm frequently accused of being a bit of a "Grinch." It's not that I'm not all about the holidays, but rather that I am a realist, always have been. For example, I don't think Christmas is that big a deal to a baby that is less than a year old. The same applies to Halloween. I say, don't bother until they are old enough to understand what's going on. (I feel the same way about sex, which is why I was a virgin until I was 32.)

No matter how hard I try, the women will not leave me alone. First, a friend of ours gives us a costume she made for the baby.... then Bobbi calls and tells me to be sure and put her in the outfit and take a picture (which is hard to do when you are trying to lay on the couch all day). Then, the neighbors come by with their kids and when I inform them that I'm not taking Samantha out, Maritza gives me the stink eye like I just told her I was gonna feed the baby some Red Bull and sit her down to watch Deep Throat.

So I decide to take her out. Luckily, Bobbi arrives home from work just in time and we suit up. We dress the baby in her little devil costume with cape and horns and give her a bucket (side note: The bucket belongs to neighbor Alicia, who was holding it when she came to the door with her son. Rather, it used to belong to Alicia, who should know better than to bring any sort of container around the baby as she is in love with all things that hold other things. Really. For her birthday we bought her Tupperware).

We head out into the night with Sam walking along with her bucket and it's then that I realize what a fool I've been because she is quite possibly THE CUTEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! OH MY GOD, COULD YOU BE ANYMORE CUTE?! (Seriously, you can take your kittens and shove em' up your ass, they got NO GAME.)

She insisted on carrying her bucket and walking herself. She was wearing the cape, the hat, everything and she didn't care..... I'M OUT BABY! LET'S GO!

She eventually figured out that she could just walk up and grab some candy from the bowl but seemed to think that she should return the candy at the next house, like some sort of Communist Halloween Re-Distribution Program. My daughter, the red menace of Halloween.

I can't believe we almost didn't go out.


PizzaGi said...

What is the "we" almost didn't go act as if you really even had a choice in the matter. Get over it, you don't...Oh, Bobbi might allow you to think you have a choice, but you and I both know (as does every guy in a relationship with a woman) WE HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER WHATSOEVER!!

Just remember that the next holiday that comes around.

10:40 AM  

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