Friday, December 16, 2005

From the editor...

I read a lot of magazines. I still get a professional discount sometimes because of my old job and it's hard to turn down Entertainment Weekly for 15 cents and issue. Consequently, I notice a lot of annoying things so, with that in mind:

When I'm in charge, all magazines will follow these rules:

1. No ads on the back of the magazine that are primarily black ink. Black ink runs all over the readers hands. I don't want to have to wash my hands after reading GQ, nor should I have to. You know it's going to run, you print it anyway and we're just supposed to take it?! I recently stopped subscribing to GQ because I had to get out of bed and wash my hands before turning out the light.

2. No ads inside the magazine that are on any type of paper different from the paper used to print the magazine. No thick paper, no small paper, no pop-up or fold-outs. I refuse to even glance at a page that sticks out as different. I avert my eyes like it's a naked picture of my mom rather than give the advertiser one iota of my attention after ruining the continuity of my copy of Newsweek.

3. This one is really simple, although it sounds complicated. If I'm reading an article and there is a side-bar article, (You know, a little sub-article that pertains to the main article?) then the side-bar article must be no longer than the page it is on. For example, I was reading an article the other day and it was continued on page 88.... there was side-bar article so I decided to read that real quick before finding page 88. How silly of me because not only was the side-bar article longer than the page, IT WAS CONTINUED ON PAGE 167!! So, now I've got to flip to page 88 and finish the main article, then flip to page 167 to finish the sidebar, then find my way back to the original article so I can continue with the magazine. What a bunch of crap! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A FUCKING TREASURE HUNT THROUGH THE DECEMBER PLAYBOY! (I read it for the articles.)

4. The table of contents is the first page. I'm pretty sure that Oprah's magazine is the only one that does this and only because Oprah herself insisted on it.

5. More nudity.


Jen said...

RIGHT ON! And Boo, I've got another great mag to turn you on to. It's called RADAR and I've only seen one issue. I read the entire thing and it was really good. It sort of exposes some Hollywood bullshit like reality show writers telling all. But it's not just about Hollywood; there was an exerpt from a book about a woman who disguised herself as a man and got a job at a Glengary Glen Ross type of business -- excellent story. Check it out -- I wouldn't recommend it to you if I wasn't sure you'd love it.

8:53 PM  
Babablooey said...

You read a lot of magazine's what? Pages? stories? table of contents? apostrophe's?

5:05 PM  
Booray said...

Jen, I'll look into that (although I already get so many I feel guilty when I get behind..)

Babablooey, thanks for pointing out the mis-use of the apostrophe in "magazine's." Now, who the fuck are you?

7:19 PM  

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