This post will be about sex so stop reading now if you are easily embarrassed.
Last week, "Oprah" did an entire show about porn (check that off your dream list!). Her guest was a gospel singer who claimed to be addicted to porn. Here's what he said:
- He started looking at porn at a young age.
- He had sex with as many women as he could before marriage.
- Even after marriage, he was still like looking at porn.
Oprah was shocked.... SHOCKED! You mean even after you were married you still had a sex drive?! That's not RIGHT! You have a serious problem!
If that guy was a porn addict then so are most of the men in America. Ladies, your husband likes porn.... he just doesn't tell you about it. So, let me spell it out for you....
For the remainder of this post, sex will be replaced with "coffee" and masturbation will be refered to as "instant coffee."
I'm 41 years old and I would like to have coffee every day. It doesn't have to be a production, I just want to get that release every day and why shouldn't I? Not only is it perfectly natural, it's proven to reduce prostate cancer (look it up).
However, my wife doesn't like to have coffee everyday. So, that leaves me to fend for myself most days. Now, I'm not a machine, I need mental stimulation. I can either watch 5 minutes of porn and be done with it or I can use my imagination. If I use my imagination, I'll probably be re-living some past coffee adventure (when I was a teenager, it was all fantasy but as an adult I no longer get aroused by imagining coffee with the girl behind the counter at McDonalds.) So, as my wife, which would you prefer..... I watch a little porn or I remember in great detail the time I had coffee with an old girlfriend on a jet-ski? (I made that up, but it would be cool)
Ladies, if your husband would rather have instant than have coffee with you, then you have a problem (or rather, he does). But if he just wants to have a little coffee and you don't want to meet his schedule, get over it. If my wife gave me a coffee every day I would never watch porn (especially if it was the kind of coffee you have to blow on). Do you want to know the real reason men like porn? It's not that the girls are sexy, it's that they're willing. We're turned on by the fantasy that there are women out there who want to have a lot of coffee! You mean I don't have to beg for coffee?!
Oh, before I forget, don't start in with the whole "He should be happy with the coffee he gets from me!" We are. We love your coffee but, guess what? IT"S NOT ENOUGH! Imagine the thing that you enjoy most in this world, something you get everyday if you can.... let's say you love chocolate. Now, imagine if, after you got married, your husband told you that for the rest of your life you could only have chocolate when he said so and he could go weeks without even thinking about chocolate.... he doesn't understand why you even like chocolate so much.... you're just weird. Would you stand for that? I didn't think so. You'd be screaming, "Hey! I like chocolate! people all over the world like chocolate! Why can't I have a little chocolate every day!" (You'd probably be willing to settle for the same chocolate all the time but having no control over when you get chocolate?)
Me, I'm lucky. My wife understands that men have a different coffee drive than women.... doesn't make us freaks. (Ladies...... you like coffee... you have screamimg coffee orgasms... you feel great afterwards.... it only takes a few minutes with a partner or alone..... and yet you don't feel like having coffee everyday!? Yea, right..... I'm the freaky one!) But I know a lot of guys, most guys in fact, who have to sneak around and pretend they don't have instant coffee when the wife's not around. They do, ladies! Every one of them. You should be ashamed of yourself for making them feel like they have to hide it from you. If you don't want to have coffee with me everyday, that's fine, but don't be surprised if I grab a quick cup of instant while you're at the grocery store. It doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means I like coffee! As long as I'm drinking alone, why should you care!
Whew! I need some coffee.