Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Go a little lower, now...


The Vatican has announced that it will dispose of "Limbo," the netherworld region where un-baptized babies go when they die, saying that it has never actually been church doctrine but rather something that has become accepted because of it's presence since medieval times (like "3 wise men" or "sex with an altar boy.")

Theologians agree that it seems unnecessarily harsh to deny innocent babies entry to the Kingdom of Heaven because they were unlucky enough to not be baptized. However, once a person reaches adulthood, it's the eternal fondue pot if you don't take the big dip. Good news for multiple murderers... you can still get the wings if you just accept Jesus as your savior before they strap you down and inject you with the "Hell-Express Cocktail." So you've got that going for you, which is nice.

1 Comments:

Michele said...

When Ethan was born he was born in a catholic hospital. Not really by choice - they had the closest NICU and I had been going there to see a perinatologist throughout my pregnancy. All the while he wasn't doing good - I was in denial and thought everything would be great - but we were constantly asked if we wanted him baptized.

James and I are very very agnogistic and kept telling them that we were "not religious" (we're nice Minnesotans afterall). But they kept pressuring us. After he had died a priest came in and told us that it was God's way and that it was meant to be.

Took everything I had not to kill that man right there and then. James told him (nicely) to get the hell out of our room and then paged a nurse and told them that we didn't want to see another priest or pastor in our room again.

Telling my brother this he said he would've done it ... just in case. So now he thinks I've sent my child to eternal damnation. I pretty much blew it off ... hell, he got baptized and went through communion and all so that his wife's Catholic parents would let him marry his wife. Maybe he'll be happier to know now that the Pope is going to let my kid play with all of the other dead kids in heaven's big sandbox. Mine will be the one convincing the others to eat the cat poop buried in the sand.

Ahh ... rant over. I feel much better.

10:49 PM  

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