Friday, March 31, 2006

Are you ready for some football?


There's a good chance that I may soon be the owner of my very own season ticket for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Several years ago I had a chance to get a ticket and took a pass. Sam was about to be born and I didn't think it would be fair for me to go off to the stadium every Sunday and leave Bobbi to have to deal with the baby all alone. Since then, I've learned three things: First, you should never turn down a ticket that has a waiting list with 20,000 names on it, no matter what it's for. Second, the Bucs don't play at home every Sunday and third, once you actually have children, you'll buy season tickets to lesbian softball if it means getting away from the House of Elmo for one freakin' second. Suck it, bitch.... it's gametime!

(Sidenote: Mackenzie is now in the 95% bracket for weight, height, etc. Sam was 85%. I'm breeding my very own lesbian softball team. Why are lesbian softball players so big? Discuss... )

The seat I will be getting is in a group with my buddy Nelson and his friends. Here's a group of guys who somehow managed to score the best seats in the stadium: Right next to the beer and the bathrooms. Being next to the bathroom is great but not for the reason you think. There is nothing like spending halftime standing outside the women's restroom in 95 degree heat in Florida. It's wall-to-wall hot chicks in belly shirts. Last time I went to a game half the guys spent the whole day with their back to the field.

The View From Here



Yesterday, I was sitting out in the front yard with the girls and my buddy Nelson came over with his daughter. She was just up from a nap and feeling a liitle shy when I took this picture. I really think it captures her. I would love to get a picture like this of my daughter but she will never cooperate long enough to pose her.

Click on the picture to see larger size..

Thursday, March 16, 2006

If you are looking for a reason to hate Bush...


H.P.V. (Human Papilloma Virus) is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in the world. Some estimates put the number of infected people as high as 50%. There are about 100 different strains of the virus, most of which reside in the body with no visible sign. Two of the strains cause genital warts. Two cause cervical cancer in women. In fact, H.P.V. is the leading cause of cervical cancer in women with as many as 70% of the cases coming from the virus.

Scientists have finally developed a vaccine that will prevent infection by H.P.V. The Bush administration will soon makes it's recommendation as to whether the vaccine should be administered to all women just like measles and mumps, etc.

It is suspected that they will not make a recommendation for widespread vaccination because.... wait for it..... they think that vaccination against STD's will lead to more promiscuity in teenagers.

Just to be clear: Scientists have developed a cancer vaccine and they are considering not using it for so-called moral purposes. MORAL PURPOSES!!

I can certainly understand why they wouldn't want to prevent cervical cancer. I mean, 50 years ago when no one had heard of H.P.V. or H.I.V. people were fucking in the streets. It was a regular Roman Orgy back in my Grandmother's day. Why, just the other day granny said to me, "Thank God these S.T.D.'s came along because now young people never have sex. They're all holding off for marriage."

The fact that anyone is even considering not administering this.... what was it called.... oh yeah, CANCER VACCINE is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard.
3700 women a year die from cervical cancer.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Cast Away


I was watching the Oprah 25th anniversary DVD yesterday (I borrowed it, I don't own it!) and Oprah was talking to Brad Pitt. I don't like Brad as much as I used to because I'm pretty sure he cheated on his wife. That sort of stuff didn't used to bother me until my first wife cheated on me. Now I hate all cheaters. It's not so much that they cheat, which is bad enough, it's that they try to rationalize it to themselves (and eventually to you). It would be like Saddam Hussein saying, 'It's not like I wanted to kill people.... I was just unhappy at home!" They're just evil.

Anyway, Oprah was asking Brad a bunch of stupid questions and I decided to answer those same questions here in the Boo-Log because I can't think of anything to write about and my lack of recent posst is hanging around my neck like a big internet albatross. I can't help it that I have nothing to write about. Now that Mac is becoming a little more high-maintenance I spend my whole day in a chair dealing with the kids. Do you wanna hear about "Law and Order?" Because I watch about five episodes a day.

It's impossible for me to have just one choice in a list like this as I tend to qualify everything (favorite now? favorite from the past? etc...) So, this list will be based on the classic desert island scenario. Here's what I would take into exile:

Cereal: Sugar Smacks Cereal
Snack: Ice Cream
Dinner: Fettuchini Alfredo w/chicken
TV show (drama): The West Wing
TV show (comedy): Friends
Movie (drama): Forrest Gump
Movie (comedy): Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Album (non-greatest hits): JT - James Taylor
Computer game: Civilization IV
Book: The Annotated Dragonlance Chronicles (mainly because it contains the whole saga.)
Supermodel: Cindy Crawford (really timeless beauty)
Actress: Sandra Bullock
Comedian: Bill Cosby
Beatle: Paul
Breast size: 34B
Pants: Cargo
Shirt: 100% cotton tee
Shoes: Columbia Hiking Boots
Sport: Golf
Spectator Sport: Football

Sunday, March 05, 2006

"What? Timmy is trapped in the old mine!?"


Today we had a little gathering to celebrate my sister and my Mom's birthdays. Their birthdays are on consecutive days... or one day apart or something, who the hell knows. I just know they're in March.

At one point we're sitting in the living room and Sam wandered in with a toilet paper roll. No big deal, she's always walking around with something but then someone noticed that Mom was missing. A quick search revealed she was in the bathroom and, lo and behold, was out of toilet paper. Faced with this dilemma, my Mother had sent her granddaughter out into the world with the toilet paper roll to seek help, like an episode of "Lassie." Since Sam still doesn't talk very well, all she could do was make high-pitched squeaky noises and brandish the cardboard tube. I guess it was really more like an episode of "Flipper," only without the sharks.

(What the hell does "lo and behold" mean, anyway? Discuss.)

 

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