Friday, February 23, 2007

Lost in the Delta Quadrant

I've been watching Star Trek Voyager lately.

Back in 1999 when my marriage fell apart because my wife was having an affair, I used to come home from work every day and watch Star Trek Voyager. I was doing mornings at the time and going through the most painful episode of my life at the same time. It's hard enough to go through a divorce and maintain a pleasant demeanor at work but when your job is to be funny and cheerful on the radio every day, it's brutal. I would get home from work every day around 11 o'clock, make something to eat, and turn on Star Trek Voyager. It was a mindless thing for me to watch while my mind raced trying to figure out what had happened and how to prevent it from ever happening again.

Now, here it is eight years later. I watch Star Trek Voyager just about every day. It's an odd sort of comfort to me to watch the show because it reminds me of that time in my life and at the same time reminds me that I survived it and have a life now that is far beyond anything I ever hoped for. I never dreamed I would have the kind of life that I have now, not because I felt it was beyond my grasp but because I never imagined it was a life that I would enjoy. I own two businesses, I have a dozen employees and I'm a stay-at-home dad. These are not things that I ever aspired to. It's way more responsibility then I ever wanted in my life. And yet, this is my life.

Today I was standing at the counter making lunch for Sam and Mac and Sam was singing a song to me that she was making up as she went along. I started showing her my Elvis moves and trying to get her to copy me. She was laughing and flailing her arms around while Mac, sitting in her high chair, giggled and clapped. A few minutes earlier, when I had gotten Mac up from her nap, we had danced a little. Mac and I like to do the tango. We strut back and forth across the room... there's lots of dipping and lots of laughing. When I think back to that time eight years ago.... who I was.... what I was going through... I wish that I could reach out to that person and give him just a small piece of the joy that I feel on a daily basis in this life with this family that I love. If he had only known what was coming, maybe he wouldn't have needed Star Trek Voyager.


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