Thursday, May 24, 2007

Instead of forwarding email jokes, I just post them here...

Thanks to Mark for sending this along to me - Boo

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a highschool diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who flyroutinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out aform, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems withthe aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairson the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the nextflight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) bymaintenance engineers.By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minutedescent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midgetpounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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