Thursday, March 13, 2008

Say "cheese"

A couple of days ago I began the process of setting up my own home photography studio. I've always dabbled in photography a little bit, going back to high school when I was a photographer for the yearbook staff. (Being a photographer for the yearbook staff allowed me to get within 10 feet of the cheerleaders and the pep squad girls, a feat I would not have been able to achieve without my camera.)

I didn't decide to set up a home studio because I really want to do portrait work. I made the decision for financial reasons. You see, Bobbi isn't happy unless she has a professional picture of the family every, oh I don't know, three months. Well, it's not every three months but I look forward to having my picture taken about as much as I look forward to my annual proctology exam so, like the exam, it seems to come up far too often. What makes it worse is that I only have a $20 co-pay when I go have a woman stick her finger up my ass (all-in-all a fair price) but when Bobbi wants to have a family portrait done I have to take out a small business loan to pay for it. If we can take those pictures at home than the equipment cost should pay for itself within a year. Plus, there is the added benefit of being able to take pictures for every special occasion. Not to mention, there's always the chance that I might be able to get Bobbi drunk and naked in front of the camera (before you ask Mark, the answer is "no"). Not to mention the fact that a lot of times when you're shooting pictures of a woman she'll get all frisky and decide to take off her clothes and have wild crazy sex with you. At least that's the way it always happens in porn.

Which brings me to the thing that is bugging me today. I have been scouring the web for diagrams and ideas on how to set up the lighting to get the best effect from my portraits. There are certainly a lot of websites out there that will tell you how to set up your lights to get a different look. However, almost none of them include sample pictures. Is it just me or does it seem insanely stupid to have a website that talks about photographic lighting and doesn't show any actual photos? At first I just laughed it off but then it began to become an epidemic. Website after website describing how to set up photographic lighting without a single picture of the effect of said lighting. So far I have found one. That's right, one, and I know I've looked at at least 20.

What does all this mean for you, dear reader? Well, if you think that I already take an insane amount of pictures of my two daughters and post them on my website you haven't seen anything yet. You can imagine that I will have to go through a very long testing period while I learn the ropes and how to use my new studio equipment. That means tons and tons of photos of my kids. Stay tuned.

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