Sunday, May 11, 2008

Rant #26

Why is it that movies feel they simply must ignore all of the basic laws of physics in order to be successful? I can understand the rationalization that a super-hero movie requires a certain suspension of belief, but it seems that the people who make these movies feel that they must suspend belief every single opportunity that they get. They push it and push it until the whole thing just becomes a silly made-for-TV movie.

My current favorite tactic is one that I saw in Iron Man, as well as the Fantastic Four. Let me make it clear for the record that I don't care how smart a scientist you are, it is impossible to build a new technology..... that no one has ever built before.... in your garage.... in a week. Iron man's armor, the Fantastic Four's flying car, the list goes on and on. i don't care that you're a genius and have a case of red Bull, you aren't going to reinvent the wheel in a week and even if you could, you won't be able to build it that fast. If you want us to believe that the people in these movies are truly exceptional because of their amazing powers. it would help if you would make the rest of the world ordinarily mundane. In iron Man, the bad guy built a suit of armor to rival the heroes suit in, I think, a weekend. Imagine what he could have done had he taken an entire week.

It's the little things that bother me the most. For example, in the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards had to build these four devices that they would use to capture the Silver Surfer. When they went to deploy these devices, they each had custom made steel cases with little tripod legs that popped out. Seriously, you're racing to save the world and yet you have time to design and build special pop-out legs? Of course not, it should look like it was thrown together in a hurry because it was thrown together in a hurry!

Oh, and here's another thing: if you take a human being and you throw them 30 feet across a room and slam them into a wall, they will not get up. Not now and not ever. Yet, in every single movie, people get thrown about, like so much chicken feed, only to rise back up as is if they merely stubbed their toe walking up the driveway. I once fell down two steps. TWO! I needed a week in bed and a morphine drip before I felt normal again.

Wait, that reminds me of another thing. How come whenever big things crash in these movies, they never kill any innocent bystanders? You really think you can crash a jet in the middle of a busy Tokyo street and not kill a single person? Seriously? It's just stupid.

I know that this little rant is just making me seem like a super nerd, which I really am, but it just frustrates me that Hollywood feels they must resort to cartoon violence in every single movie that they make.


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