So, Bobby and I are sitting on the couch watching the Green Mile with Tom Hanks. Samantha is sitting next to me. I'm being careful while watching the movie because I know there are some violent scenes in it and I plan to cut away before those scenes so that my darling angel daughter is not exposed to them.
I'm a good father.
Anyway, there's a scene where they're getting ready to execute someone and they go through a rehearsal. Harry Dean Stanton is the stand-in playing a half crazy con which is like casting Barry Bonds to play a steroid ripped baseball player.
So, they put him in the electric chair and they ask him if he has any last words. At this point, he starts talking about the food that he would like to have: mashed potatoes, gravy, etc.. Then, he blurts out, "I'd also like for Mae West to sit on my face because I am a horny motherfucker."
Well, I'm shocked and I start laughing and Bobby starts laughing and Sam starts laughing and then Sam says, "That's funny, I'm a horny motherfucker."
I'm a good father.
As many of you already know, I play world of Warcraft. This is my third incarnation playing the game, I tend to play for awhile then I quit and then I come back to it. The thing is, when you come back to it it tends to possess your life, spending every waking moment playing the game or thinking about it. This might also explain why I haven't been writing so much. You probably have to play the game to truly appreciate this video but I couldn't resist including a link to it here.
Sitting on the couch tonight, Bobbi said, "I was reading some of the old BooLog posts. You used to be a lot funnier." Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but to a guy who has spent his whole life secure in the belief that the only thing he has going for him is his ability to be funny, you might as well say, "Thank God your dick isn't as big as my last boyfriend. I much prefer the economy size." ( A midget goes into a brothel and pulls down his pants. The madam says, "Who do you expect to please with that little thing?" and the midget replies, "Me!")
While it's true that I am not churning out the Pulitzer Prize quality humor I used to, let's please remember that The Boo-Log wasn't created to be a comedy writing showcase. It was created so that my children, who I had late in life, will be able to get a sense of who I was as a young man. I'll be long gone before my kids reach the point where they can really understand me as I am today. I want them to be able to know me and hopefully The Boo-log will do that. They need to know that I bitch about politics and religion and why... that I think Kaley Cuoco on The Big Bang Theory is still hot since growing up (although her face is kinda screwy, but the body, Lord! The show should be called The Big bang with Kaley Cuoco's Tits.)... that I played "The Grinch" in High School and I've never done cocaine despite spending years surrounded by drug culture.
See, nothing funny in that last post yet still a joy to read.
I can't think of a way to describe this that will be near as funny as when it happened but the other night Sam fell down and Bobbi and I just about cried we were laughing so hard. It was no big deal but she was behind the couch talking to us and we could only see her head. Right in the middle of the conversation she just fell. Kids do that a lot because they are constantly lifting their legs in the air for no reason. Mac likes to lift her leg above the table at dinner and she is so young and limber that it looks like a Muppet leg just popped up. She doesn't even seem to notice when it happens. She's just sitting there eating and suddenly, PoP! This little leg shoots straight up beside her head.
Anyway, Sam just disappeared when she fell and then she chimed out, "I'm okay!" But it wasn't just an, "I'm okay" like you say when your, well, "okay". It was like a perfectly timed, comedian-makes-a-pratfall and says, 'I'm okay!"
Like I said, hard to describe but hilarious anyway.
I recently received an e-mail from my sister about Barak Obama. It was one of those chain e-mails that one person sends to another person who then sends it to another person without bothering to check the facts in any way shape or form. What made this e-mail so hilariously funny was that there was a link in the e-mail to a website called snopes is true.com. The link said, "everything in his e-mail is true check it out on Snopes.com." What's so hilarious about that, is that if you actually clicked on the link and went to Snopes.com, you would find a copy of the e-mail in its entirety along with a detailed description of how everything in the e-mail was false. Snopes.com went on to explain that they felt the reason that the link had been put into the e-mail in the first place was because the writers of the e-mail felt that people wouldn't bother to actually click the link but would just assume that the e-mail was true because the link existed. That's genius.
Now to the important part. Don't send me e-mails like this. If I were to come up to you and hand you a stack of flyers and ask you to go down to the mall parking lot and hand them out to everybody that you meet I would hope that you would at least read the flyer first and perhaps question it's contents before blindly distributing the information to everyone that you could find. However, if I send you the same information in an e-mail, a lot of people have no problem whatsoever with forwarding that e-mail to everyone in their address book. This is amazing to me. I don't understand why people don't take better care to police the information that they send out to other people with their name on it. My sister is not racist, bigoted, or a right-wing operative. However, anyone who she sends an e-mail to is liable to fit her into one if not all three of the above categories.
So, let me make this clear. There is nothing that anyone can send you an e-mail that has not already been vetted by the media. Do you really think that there is an entire list of secrets about some political candidate that only exists in a world of e-mail? There are people in the world of politics who will say and do anything to discredit the competition. Witness the swift boat ads during the 2004 campaign. Better yet, take a look at the flyers that were distributed during the 2000 primary in South Carolina when John McCain was running against George Bush. They claimed that John McCain had fathered a "Negro" child out of wedlock and they proved it by showing a picture of McCain with the child. The child in question was a little girl that Mrs. McCain had discovered while on a relief mission and the McCains has subsequently adopted. It takes a particular brand of evil to turn adoption of a poor orphan into a racist smear. But they do it. They do it every day.
By the way, John McCain is the only Republican candidate that I can actually vote for. During the 2004 election they asked McCain about John Kerry and McCain said something like, "John Kerry is a fine man and he would make a good president. However, I'm not going to vote for him. I'm going to vote for George Bush." The fact that John McCain felt that it was possible to not vote for someone without trash talking them shows a level of integrity in his character that you don't see in many politicians. I will admit though, when he was recently asked in reference to Hillary Clinton, "How do we beat the bitch" I was disappointed that he did not dress down the questioner for using such language about a member of the Senate. If there is anyone in politics who I would've expected to put a halt to that sort of language it's John McCain. It's a shame that he didn't.
My wife has been giving me a hard time lately because I haven't written anything in the blog for quite a while. It's been tough to write in the last few months because so much has been happening and there are just some things that you cannot write on the Internet. When the housing market crashed it affected our business quite a bit and so naturally that was all we talked about. Unfortunately, when you own a business you can just talk about it openly on the Internet because you have employees and clients etc.. I will say that we have weathered the storm and business is fine but there are a lot of companies out there who aren't as fortunate.
Christmas was quite a trip in the Perry household. Since we bought a new house and we have a lot more room, Bobbi decided to invite every person she's ever known to come spend the holidays with us. We had somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 people sleeping in our house on Christmas Eve. Our living room looked like a "toys for tots" collection center. With all of the people that we had in the house over the holidays I took advantage of the opportunity to get the hell out as much as possible. I played golf for three days in a row leading up to Christmas Eve. After it was all over, Bobbi told me that she thought I had done a really good job of not killing anyone while everyone was staying at our house. Well, it's easy not to kill somebody when you're out on the golf course everyday.
On New Year's Eve we decided to have our very first party. We had already had several impromptu parties over the holidays. It seems like every night five or six people would come by to visit in addition to the 220 people who were staying at the house. On New Year's, however, we had an actual real party. I'm pleased that it went pretty well. We had friends, family, and new friends from the neighborhood and no fistfights. We decided to have a pajama party and make it family friendly so everyone in the house, including the kids, was wearing pajamas.
Okay, that's enough of an update for now.